July 26, 2016

 

If I had a year to live what would I do with it?  If I were given millions of dollars, what would I do with my life? What is my legacy? 

Why am I not appreciated in my present? Why will ….

Rudy, I need your help. I want to be happy. I’m trying to be in observe mode but hurt leaks through.

Do things for you, little one. Do things for you. What do you want to do right now? Make the hurt go away. You know how to do that now. You raise your vibration. Raise yourself higher than the level you’re on now. 

Help me to get above the ugliness down here. 

You are letting me down, Steve. You are. You’ve let me know where I am in the pecking order. Over the years I’ve let my feelings come in second to yours, to everyone’s, and now that is the habit, the expectation. 

A part of me wants to be away this evening. Away away.

 

I am angry because I’m not getting what I want. I want Steve to love me more.

When do I get to come first? I feel the need to protect myself. Why do I not feel safe within myself? Why do I look outside myself for safety? 

You feel you don’t know enough. You feel are AREN’T enough. You’ve lived fifty years and you still feel like you don’t know enough. And remember, what you are blaming Steve for is what you’re doing to yourself. 

Enough to do what? Why do you have indecision? And doubt? And fear? OVERCOME. IT. You know your stuff. You are always discovering new things – that’s what makes life exciting – but you know ENOUGH. SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH IT?  

Meditation -- KNOWLEDGE. What I want. Does it do anyone any good -- particularly you -- if you don't do something with the knowledge? What does the having do? I will be ready if anyone asks me. But what if they don't ask? Ever? What if no one comes to you? Why would they? 

Is that the purpose of knowledge? I'm not responsible for anyone other than myself. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Their feelings are not my feelings. Their problems are not my problems.

I am having a problem relating to the world today. 

July 11, 2016

Shifting perspective. Remember I am the original source. I descended to have the human experience and purposefully forgot my connection. Why, then, am I fighting so hard to punch through the forgetting?

Higher vibration feels good. It is the Source.

So the first "layer" is to deconstruct the time construct. Now-ness.

If there is no then and next ther eis now. And now.

But why? Is it like a game of hide and seek where the game is we all hide, we all get clues along the way, we all win when we're all home again? Why?

Thinks connected to time. Connection to events. Connections. Attachments. Opinions have outcomes therefore a past and future but they are constructs also. Judgements are connected also to a past and a future with consequences.

If there is no opinion or if there is no judgement there is no timeline connected to an event. Only the event itself. And then the next event. Now. Now. Now. Now.

Conscious without connection but holding the whole. The Is.

Concentrate on the Is Now and no connection. The I Am. It's the same thing.

*************
 I want to verbally channel but I'm afraid of letting go of me and control of me.

Am I here being a battery, a catalyst of higher frequency energy, in order to help others? Like the Matrix but I'm staying because I am able to add bursts of energy so others can awaken?  Is that it? Otherwise enjoy the ride?

June 27, 2016

Human Design

Aspects

Quantum Physics

Frequency/Vibration

Crystals

Akashic records

Subtle Energy

Solfeggio frequencies

Brain waves

Breath

These things are all connected in some way. I feel it. Like it's on the edge of my consciousness. Like in the next life this will be elementary.  

Love and Light

 

June 25, 2016

I get it now. I've been trying to force myself to fit into the systems of this three dimensional reality -- and not really landing on any one of them -- when I've known and have felt all along that mine is actually so much larger than that. I was putting the planes's limitations on it and then wondering why nothing would ever feel right. Sometimes we have to struggle on the path a few times before finding the true journey.

Being a bridge. Of this world and the next. Not between me and the people of this world. This one and the all of the others. I don't know what that entails exactly because I'm feeling the pressure of "doing something". But understanding is all. Human Design is helping me understand the chemistry, the physical-ness of this. Being the ship of a prow. At the forefront of the understanding and the knowing.

In Human Design, all my centers are open except for the Ajna (cognition) and the Throat (verbalizing that truth). Not an accident. My Sun/Earth are 1 and 2. The most Yang and the Yin. I am able to encompass the whole. Not an accident. Mental Projector -- I am to observe and I have to wait to be invited. If I press it upon people -- and most aren't ready --  it just won't work. 6/2 - Role Model/Hermit. On the roof now that I'm reaching 50/a natural not having to force it. This has been no accident in this lifetime.

Does a Bridge need to be anything other than a bridge? A bridge's purpose is to be the structure or energy that gets people from one side to the other. It doesn't have to tell people how to do it and in fact it is probably wrong if it does. Is there implicit guidance suggested? Maybe. Maybe not.  Just "BE", with a question mark because I'm asking if that is truly it.

My awareness creates the energy. You were doing it anyway but now you have knowledge and awareness. Be aware of the energy flows. Your skills are in the observing and understanding.  

I hope I can keep this in focus.

Love and light

May 31, 2016

Ah Little One. It is joyous to visit with you again. You have questions about the ascension. You are doing well to create protections around yourself for things are not going to get easier in the energy field. As a bridge you will help ease that. A way. A weigh station. As things are coming into place you will feel more and more of a place of inner peace. That is helpful. Eat well; drink much and well. Get rest. Seek creative outlet. Speak with others of your kind.
Because it feels like a lot of accumulation of information but what is the purpose of such accumulation? I get the humorous reference to Jesus. It is not so much the group think it is being in the now. What is wrong with duality? I understand that hte world "wrong" is a value that doesn't exist but why are we wanting to move away from the duality perception? The word "ascension" itself is a word with connotations of duality -- moving from one thing to another thing with the assumption the going to is an improvement of some kind.
I think balance is the ultimate goal. And like the line between anarchy and tyranny

the Founders were not wanting to tip in favor of one or the other. Do we have to swing too far with the feminine before we swing back and learn that balance at last? Is balance re-education the goal. I fear the enthusiasm of some in the swinging away from male vibration is creating too hard of a swing in the other direction. It is not male or female power it is the vibration only -- the balance. But us humans we will swing to hard and far always.
Is that what it means -- not a personal karma for me? When I try to speak for myself, the message is misheard but when I use my Human Design of Ajna and throat and speak for others it is like crystal. That is a bridge. So how do I put myself in position to speak for the group and not myself? Think more locally.

May 27 2016

From yesterday's Akashic journaling:

The relevant lives were revealed to you yesterday to show you how power is experienced. Anne Boleyn let the fire consume her and the consequences were felt worldwide but also affected her loved ones so negatively. Jesus' impact was also worldwide but his message was love and encompassing. Hers took a turn toward manipulation and control. You recognized in Anne the potential changes to belief systems as you had seen in Jesus. You recognized that Jesus' message and mission had been corrupted through power-hungry men and women over the centuries.  You wanted to participate in altering that path through the religious and social reformation that was occurring and that Anne and Henry were the vortex of. Henry changed the world for the lust of Anne. Jesus changed the world through his love of the self and the Universe and as a consequence the world changed, too, first because the message was truth and the consciousness was hungry for this kind of message. You were able to be "closer to the action" so to speak with Anne and even gave counsel toward that effect but she was strong minded. You witnessed a message change and the struggle of those in power to keep it. It sickened you in your soul. You learned to hate control and wickedness using good intentions as a mask. The life experience with Jesus ended in violence, too, but that death, while grievous, was joyful too for you understood that there was so much more to life and death and it didn't end with his death. He truly didn't mind, his awareness was one with the Universe and you could feel it. So similar situations but different impacts for your journey. 

The other purpose is to help you feel the difference between your shadow life and the one you're entering into and who you are becoming now. It is ok; you gave nearly 50 years to the shadows. Embrace this now for your own. 

Your words are the bridge. We will speak through you. You will share with more. Some are awakening and the number grows but change is coming and .... 

Change is neither good nor bad. You are a student but you are also a model/teacher. It does not do you service to cling to old patterns even if there is some comfort there. It is time to be the bridge.... Can I be a bridge without knowing the destination?  Does a bridge imply leadership? ... There she goes using her love of organization.