July 26, 2016

 

If I had a year to live what would I do with it?  If I were given millions of dollars, what would I do with my life? What is my legacy? 

Why am I not appreciated in my present? Why will ….

Rudy, I need your help. I want to be happy. I’m trying to be in observe mode but hurt leaks through.

Do things for you, little one. Do things for you. What do you want to do right now? Make the hurt go away. You know how to do that now. You raise your vibration. Raise yourself higher than the level you’re on now. 

Help me to get above the ugliness down here. 

You are letting me down, Steve. You are. You’ve let me know where I am in the pecking order. Over the years I’ve let my feelings come in second to yours, to everyone’s, and now that is the habit, the expectation. 

A part of me wants to be away this evening. Away away.

 

I am angry because I’m not getting what I want. I want Steve to love me more.

When do I get to come first? I feel the need to protect myself. Why do I not feel safe within myself? Why do I look outside myself for safety? 

You feel you don’t know enough. You feel are AREN’T enough. You’ve lived fifty years and you still feel like you don’t know enough. And remember, what you are blaming Steve for is what you’re doing to yourself. 

Enough to do what? Why do you have indecision? And doubt? And fear? OVERCOME. IT. You know your stuff. You are always discovering new things – that’s what makes life exciting – but you know ENOUGH. SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH IT?  

Meditation -- KNOWLEDGE. What I want. Does it do anyone any good -- particularly you -- if you don't do something with the knowledge? What does the having do? I will be ready if anyone asks me. But what if they don't ask? Ever? What if no one comes to you? Why would they? 

Is that the purpose of knowledge? I'm not responsible for anyone other than myself. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Their feelings are not my feelings. Their problems are not my problems.

I am having a problem relating to the world today.