July 26, 2016

 

If I had a year to live what would I do with it?  If I were given millions of dollars, what would I do with my life? What is my legacy? 

Why am I not appreciated in my present? Why will ….

Rudy, I need your help. I want to be happy. I’m trying to be in observe mode but hurt leaks through.

Do things for you, little one. Do things for you. What do you want to do right now? Make the hurt go away. You know how to do that now. You raise your vibration. Raise yourself higher than the level you’re on now. 

Help me to get above the ugliness down here. 

You are letting me down, Steve. You are. You’ve let me know where I am in the pecking order. Over the years I’ve let my feelings come in second to yours, to everyone’s, and now that is the habit, the expectation. 

A part of me wants to be away this evening. Away away.

 

I am angry because I’m not getting what I want. I want Steve to love me more.

When do I get to come first? I feel the need to protect myself. Why do I not feel safe within myself? Why do I look outside myself for safety? 

You feel you don’t know enough. You feel are AREN’T enough. You’ve lived fifty years and you still feel like you don’t know enough. And remember, what you are blaming Steve for is what you’re doing to yourself. 

Enough to do what? Why do you have indecision? And doubt? And fear? OVERCOME. IT. You know your stuff. You are always discovering new things – that’s what makes life exciting – but you know ENOUGH. SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH IT?  

Meditation -- KNOWLEDGE. What I want. Does it do anyone any good -- particularly you -- if you don't do something with the knowledge? What does the having do? I will be ready if anyone asks me. But what if they don't ask? Ever? What if no one comes to you? Why would they? 

Is that the purpose of knowledge? I'm not responsible for anyone other than myself. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Their feelings are not my feelings. Their problems are not my problems.

I am having a problem relating to the world today. 

July 11, 2016

Shifting perspective. Remember I am the original source. I descended to have the human experience and purposefully forgot my connection. Why, then, am I fighting so hard to punch through the forgetting?

Higher vibration feels good. It is the Source.

So the first "layer" is to deconstruct the time construct. Now-ness.

If there is no then and next ther eis now. And now.

But why? Is it like a game of hide and seek where the game is we all hide, we all get clues along the way, we all win when we're all home again? Why?

Thinks connected to time. Connection to events. Connections. Attachments. Opinions have outcomes therefore a past and future but they are constructs also. Judgements are connected also to a past and a future with consequences.

If there is no opinion or if there is no judgement there is no timeline connected to an event. Only the event itself. And then the next event. Now. Now. Now. Now.

Conscious without connection but holding the whole. The Is.

Concentrate on the Is Now and no connection. The I Am. It's the same thing.

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 I want to verbally channel but I'm afraid of letting go of me and control of me.

Am I here being a battery, a catalyst of higher frequency energy, in order to help others? Like the Matrix but I'm staying because I am able to add bursts of energy so others can awaken?  Is that it? Otherwise enjoy the ride?